Can You Be A People Pleaser And Still Lose Weight? Part 2
Can You Be A People Pleaser And Still Lose Weight? Part 2: Dr Larocque says “You have to love yourself to lose weight.” We encourage our friends and those we care about to make positive changes in their lives, but the same can’t be said about those for whom we have no love. You wouldn’t waste your time over people you don’t love. Will you too waste your time over yourself if you don’t love yourself? In Can You Be A People Pleaser And Still Lose Weight Part 1 we took a look at the ‘Jolly Fixer’ and the ‘Frustrated Do Gooder’ read on to find out about the ‘Has It All Self Destructor’ and the ‘Driven Pessimist’.
THE ‘HAS IT ALL’ SELF DESTRUCTOR
The third type of people pleasers are the perfectionists who have to succeed at everything they undertake. They appear to be the people who have life sorted…great jobs, spotless houses, wonderful cooks, fantastic parents, committee leaders, PTA members. We all know people like this, people whose lives are entirely regulated and demand perfection from themselves in all they do. Weight loss for these types is easy when the scale is going down, but when the scale doesn’t register any loss, their world falls apart. This is in addition to the fact that they are ashamed to have gained weight and feel angry and defensive that this area of their lives is not in keeping with the others. Their pride is everything, and when threatened, the project will be abandoned. They can’t see the wood for the trees, in that they kill themselves with an inability to accept setbacks or mistakes. The frantic desire to do too much too well is exhausting, and it is the stress related to the quest for perfection that drives them to over-eating. These people can’t understand why they have a weight problem and refuse to accept that it is due to their over busy schedule.
As I said earlier, when pursuing weight loss, they do all they’re told, and if the scale doesn’t ‘play ball’, it is perceived as disaster and they can’t even entertain a logical explanation. They torture themselves mentally, and physically the wear and tear will catch up. These people have to treat themselves like they treat others, with compassion and understanding. Being a strong person on the outside is admirable, BUT feeling shame at any shortcoming is sad and debilitating. One hundred per cent success is not compatible with enjoying life. Only through a guilt and anxiety producing situation can perfectionism be alleviated. Using the CBT ABCD process of behaviour shows this, instead of guilt and self-punishment, the sequence can be used to learn from mistakes and identify that it is the thought, not the event that must be changed. I say this as it is the only way to introduce a new psychology of happiness into life.
THE DRIVEN PESSIMIST
And finally those whose quest for professional excellence damages their own mental and physical health. This section of people cannot see their work achievements for what they are, and are negative, despite praise and assurance from the top. Their health suffers under the pressure they put on themselves to perform, and chronic fear of being seen as incompetent. They do not see what they do to themselves with their negative self-defeating attitude and can’t accept that their pursuit of excellence drives them to neglect their own health and well-being. Such individuals would give up their health rather than a job, and can’t see that skipping meals and eating badly is affecting their ability to think and perform optimally. They feel there is not enough time for self-care with adequate sleep, exercise or relaxation and constantly feel ‘snowed under.’ They won’t ask for help in case of being judged and so are their own worst enemy. These people need to MAKE time to look after themselves, or accept the consequences of stress related nervous tension. Learning to see things differently is vital for managing stress, as is balance and time management. It is pointless to ‘marry the job’ while causing damage to oneself. Everyone needs to restore their body since it provides energy to the brain.
If we are used to putting others needs before our own, we can lose our own identity and sacrifice our own needs and self-worth. And if all our love is given away, what is left for our own self encouragement and growth. If you prioritise your own needs and happiness, and really want to improve yourself then start applauding yourself on small achievements and learn to love who you are. Take others out of the equation, live for yourself, not to gain their approval. People believe that if they love themselves in an overweight state, they’ll never be motivated to lose weight. The truth is the complete opposite. The road to meeting your goals, whatever they be, begins with self-esteem. Look for your qualities and make a list that you can use as a reminder of your unique greatness, adding daily successes, big or small. Take charge of your life, concentrate on the positive, challenge negative self-talk and learn to assert yourself and please yourself instead of others. Once you do, your own happiness will radiate to everyone around, and you’ll realise that it’s selfish NOT to put yourself first.
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